SELF-DATE

 One will ask, how is it possible to date oneself? My dear, it is so possible. How? Just read on, you will understand better.

       The first relationship you should establish before seeking for love from anyone is, the one with yourself. This one sound selfish right? No, it doesn't.

      Being in love with oneself does not have to do with selfishness at all. Hence it helps to build a selfless relationship with other people. Self love affects every other areas of one's life, it helps to build a healthy relationship with others. Know this that the best gift you can give to yourself and others is LOVE.

When you Date Yourself First, you will understand your own self-worth and value, self- care, emotions and you will leave no void for any man to fill. You will be a totally complete person.

Self-Worth:

Many youths and people generally live their lives as if they don't matter(self neglect: for better understanding on this, read my write-up on "self-neglect and cynicism"). Loving yourself helps you to create Worth for yourself, hence your self-worth determines your relationship standards. Realizing that you matter and placing value on yourself is the bases for a healthy relationship. You need no spouse to appraise you before you appraise yourself in the corner of your heart and room. The reason why you feel people's compliments for you is not true or they are just trying to catch your attention by that is , you yourself don't value yourself. I once told  someone after she rejected my compliment on her beautiful picture that, "Always appreciate yourself. Every one who says you're beautiful have really seen the beauty and when you accept that fact, you lay another block on your self-esteem/confidence building." Appreciate yourself more than anyone can do, stay before the mirror, look at yourself and appreciate how you look. I tell you, you look the best.

      Take time with yourself, solve your problems first because no one will help you do, if you don't. A lot of people are going through pains today, with a great expectation from their spouses to heal the pain. That expectations might not be met, because it is nobody's responsibility to make you happy, you have the responsibility to make yourself  happy. Somehow, if you don't have a choice for yourself, you will accept whatever is offered. In essence, how much you like, love and value yourself sets the standards for how people will value and Love you. The Worth you place on yourself is what people will buy you, they will never price it up, unless they price it down.

Self-Care:

There is someone very close to me. All her marital problem can be largely traced to her self-neglect attitude. She pays zero attention to herself, she cares less about herself. Yet, she wants her husband including people around her to care for her more than how she does to herself. That's impossible. Truly everyone feels good when being treated nicely and with care. But the truth is, if you don't care for yourself, if no one sees you doing that to yourself, it will be hard for them to do it for you. So, what are we saying? When you are in a relationship with yourself, you see the need to take a very good care of yourself. Cook good food for yourself. It is quite funny that the only period when some people cook nice foods is when they have visitors. Stop to ridicule yourself. Your own body needs good foods, good clothes and good maintenance. Don't clean up for anybody, don't dress for anybody, do all for yourself. Care for yourself for the sake of 'You' that you love.

     This is when the problem lies in a relationship when you find it difficult to give yourself good treats and all your expectations is on your spouse. If he/she can not meet up, you begin to feel unloved or unvalued. Meanwhile, it is your utmost responsibility to Care for yourself. Sing songs of love for yourself, read good poems for yourself, buy yourself expensive gifts. So, peradventure if anyone do all these for you, you will value it more. You value people's love and care for you when you love yourself first.

Emotions:
Understanding yourself and your emotions is not the responsibility of your spouse but yourself first. When you don't love yourself, then you're not fair to yourself. You will not be emotionally safe to express what you want and need to your spouse and people around you and you will accept anything and every kinds of disrespect. Some time ago in my life, I used to place people's interest over my own, I never see the reason to please myself. All I used to do is judge myself, even if I was  most offended, I would not talk. Hence, the person would repeat the same action, thinking it didn't have any effect on me, that way I used to treat myself until I realized it's the easiest way to kill myself. When you don't love and value yourself, you will have a lot of people play on your emotions. We remain unhappy when we don’t value ourselves, we don’t respond to ourselves. We deny what we feel, want, and need and that's the easiest way to amplify low self-esteem.

      In fact, it will be so difficult for your spouse to get along with you this way, because your needs are not communicated, so how do such a spouse balance up with you. Your emotion is one of the things you should value and pay close attention to, so as to communicate your emotional needs to your spouse(and close friends). That way , they will treat you better. Don't enslave yourself to self-neglect. 

Leave No Void for Anyone to Fill: 

Either you are in a relationship or not, it doesn't change anything, you are still the same person. The only way to live a complete life and leave no void for anyone to fill is to Love and Value yourself with passion. If you don't, the voids are nothing anyone can help you fill but yourself. It is your responsibility to make yourself happy. Relationship is not about receiving, you have to give love, happiness and care. It becomes difficult when you lack all these and want to receive from another person. What I mean is, if you don't show yourself love, you will see no reason to give it and the little given you will never be enough to suffice for your need.

       To rap it up, Understanding yourself comes when you Date Yourself First. This creates the  awareness of the aboundance of love in you, shower it upon yourself and extend it to others.